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March 6th, 2008

02:51 pm - Today!

Erik l'ange,

Today was better than yesterday but I'm still feeling really...upset with myself.  I keep letting what Gregg and Kyrihe say about me get to me...which is stupid.  I'm changing way more than they can imagine or even know (since I haven't talked to either of them in months) but they're convinced I'm still the same 14 year old, little kid they once knew.  I'm not.  But they keep complaining about my complaining.  Like yesterday I was on the phone with Garry and apparently Gregg was all, "With most girls you can say, 'I'll call you back in a few minutes' and then if you call them before the day ends they're okay.  That's not with Kat.  With her you HAVE to call back within a few minutes".  No duh.  If you're going to take hours to return a phone call you say, "I'll talk to you later"  If you tell a girl you'll call her back in a few minutes she's going to sit by the phone and wait for you to call.  Am I right?  Or is it really just me?  God.  Kyrihe and Gregg are so immature!  I know I am too.  I used to be so confident in myself but then it's like lightning hit me over the head and I realized I'm nowhere near as good, smart, talented, or mature as I give myself credit for.  I don't know what I'm doing.  I'm terrible at everything I do.  I've come to this realization and the thing is I was happier being confident in the things I was terrible at and pretending I was so awesome.  I don't know why my confidence went down the toilet...

I have musical practice at 5 today and then we don't get out until 8.  I hate it when practice is that late...but I do as I'm told and go with it.  I enjoy practice too...despite the fact because of it I have bruises all over my poor knees.  Sound familiar?

Until next time, I bid you goodbye,


Today is day 56!!

03:27 pm - Strange

Erik l'ange,

Have you ever seen pictures of someone you didn't know doing something and it effected you in some strange way...making you think it'd be fun?  Well...I'm a part of a wonderful long distance relationship community and kendalish posted pictures of her recent wedding with her husband now.  I don't know why...but they are beautiful and it really makes me want to have a wedding like hers.  I picked some pictures and will post them here so you can see how small and beautiful it was...and why this is now my "dream wedding" (I know I have a long, long time to figure this out lol but a girl can dream!)

10:24 pm - Important!


I'm creating a new LJ...I WON'T delete this one...there's no way I could do that.  There's far too much history here.  I just...want to start over with something fresh and new.  I know it's kind of an awkward time in my life to start something new since I'm at the end of something old and still have a little while before the new kicks in, but it just feels...right.  It will be a friend's only LJ, so if you'd like to read it just comment on it or request to be my friend or whatever :).  Other than these reasons I really have none for creating my new LJ.

The account name is katinator44
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