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February 18th, 2008

06:01 pm - Gaaa!

Erik l'ange,

I'm in such a bad mood right now.  I have very little rhyme or reason for it...I know a big majority of it is the lack of being at school for so long.  But I'm horribly restless, bored, and just...want to pull my hair out kind of feeling.  I was in an okay mood before I went to go eat..then mom and Justin kept asking stupid questions and doing annoying things.  Then my mood plunged downhill. 

One of the annoying things about Garry being so far away is the fact that I cannot just spend a day with him.  The days we have off are filled with chores, work, school, homework, projects, running people places, needing to go somewhere...yet every day we have off I get hopeful that we'll get to do nothing but sit around and hang out with one another.  I know this is a very childish hope, but I'm not used to this adult way of life.  I'm not used to having work and being with someone who works.  I know it's a way of life, I really do...but it is also annoying.  If we were in person this would be so much easier.  I know though that in a few months all of this won't matter anymore and I will get those 24/7 moments with him.  I want to cuddle with him, talk with him, rp with him...I just want time with him.  He left at 1:30pm and it is now 6:00pm...and I have not heard from him since he left.

I'm also frusterated about school.  You get all this time off and it's not healthy for me to sit around and have nothing to do.  Yet I don't want to do things either...I don't want to do work or homework or go to practices.  I don't want to do anything but sit around and when I'm sitting around I don't want to do anything but work.  It's like one vicious cycle and it's driving me mad.

And to top it all off I'm getting annoyed with LJ, again.  Can't anyone understand me?  Am I speaking a different language or am I just not clear?  I sit here pouring out my heart for anyone to listen...anyone to give me feedback, good or bad...and I can bet if I didn't have this here I'd get comments like, "I hate it when I have to do chores too."  What kind of comment is that?  I'm sitting here telling you all that I miss Garry and I feel like I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place.  I'm so sick of trying to make everyone understand how sick I am of things...how EXCITED I am for things (believe it or not, I do have some happy entries in here), about things that are important to me..about things that make me happy and feel alive...about things that annoy me.  You're all sitting here reading me.  Yet, as my life has always been, I don't get taken seriously...I get written off for being a whiner who has nothing important to complain about.  I get shoved aside and left some silly little comment just to leave a comment...if I get a comment at all.  Basically, I want people to hear me and no matter how hard I try I am STILL being ignored.

Yet despite it all I'm going to keep my LJ going.  I want to keep writing in this the day I go to college, the day I am proposed to, the day I get married, the day I have my first child, the day I have any children following, the day I get my first real job, the day I graduate college (this isn't in any order lol), the day I quit or get fired, the day my children have their sweet 16...I want this to be here to see it all, comments or not.

Until next time, I bid you goodbye,

-Kathryn
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