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January 5th, 2008

03:22 pm - Life's too short

Erik l'ange,

Life's too short to spend worrying about things.  Life's too short not to enjoy...I suppose it's nice to realize that now and not 30 years down the road.  Today Missy (my voice lesson teacher) told me she met her husband at 17 and they got married when she was almost 21.  You don't know how encouraging that was for me to hear.  Of course, mom had to go and ruien it by telling us that the "reason" part of the brain doesn't really develop until we're 20.  Leave it to mom to ruien a good feeling.  I look at Missy's life and Amanda's life and I want to have a life like theirs.  Amanda's so utterly confident she could literally walk around with a giant neon sign on her head and she would care less.  She's headed in the right direction with an awesome boyfriend, a promising career, and a wonderful life.  Missy's happily married and she's 4-5 months pregnant and enjoys her job.  I want to be like that.  I don't want to be like my mom.  I never really understood how much I dislike mom's life until I began to think about my life away from this nest.  Mom likes her job but I don't think it makes her feel alive.  She doesn't really have any close friends that she can go to when life's hard and she's sad...or even just to go out with on Friday and have fun.  She doesn't have a husband or a boyfriend to make her feel beautiful and loved.  She has two snobby kids who are always bossing her around.  She gives them whatever they want...I don't want my life to be like that.  People are always telling me how life is not fair and when something bad happens people tell me to get used to it because that's how life's going to be.  You know, I don't agree with that.  Yes, life isn't going to hand me anything on a silver platter and I expect to get into fights with Garry or people I love.  I expect to be disappointed and sad...I do.  But you know what?  If life ever becomes unbearable I will do anything I can to make it enjoyable.  I believe that's possible...walking through life telling yourself that this is as good as it's going to get and you've done your best yet you're utterly unhappy is just a big lie.  If you're unhappy do something about it.  Get a new job, go back to school, pick up a hobby, go get a make over, go dancing, go out to eat with some friends...it doesn't take much, honestly.  That's one reason I can't wait for college...because I can begin this on my own without my mom there to tell me what's right, wrong, what's good for me, what's bad for me...I want her to just let go of me and let me figure this out for myself.  I know she doesn't want me to make mistakes but how else am I going to learn?

I suppose one thing that created these thoughts in my soul was Garry...he just lost someone close to him and went to his funeral today.  It always breaks my heart when he's sad, but he's handling himself amazingly.  Either way, it proves that life is too short and should not be wasted away.

Until next time, I bid you goodbye,

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